Count Down Round 2

Usually this holiday weekend is one of my favorite of the year. I love fireworks and the warm temperatures of summer which normally means swimming and biking for us, times picking raspberries in the afternoon sun. This year it is the weekend that counts us down to round 2 of chemotherapy.

In all honesty, given the horror of the last round we approach this with a great deal of difficulty. Tuesday is day 0 of round two when we will talk at length with Dr Block and our medical team. We will determine if I am strong enough to go round 2. My gut is still very tender and painful at times. I'm still not able to eat normally. My skin is not all healed. We are trusting in God's guidance and praying for wisdom and clarity moving forward.

I'm learning slowly to try to take each day as it comes but I'm a forward thinker by nature, gifted with a great ability to imagine and project what is ahead. It has kept me out of a lot of bad situations but in times like this it is hard to keep focused on the positive if what lies behind is any indicator of what lies ahead. From what I've read, many times the chemo becomes cumulative and so it gets tougher. Changes will be made to my regime but we won't know unless we go forward. In a sea of conflicting information it is really hard to know what to do.

Next week is my birthday week so it seems pretty sad to think of feeling horrible and sick that day, but I'm giving thanks for this week when I have felt much better than the two before that. One day at a time, one hurdle at a time. I'm trying to live more in the now. I'm getting a lot of hard learned practice at this.

I am grateful for my dear family and friends and all the ways they are choosing to love and care for me through this difficult time.

Last night's sunset was beautiful. We give thanks.